Your World, Delivered

Need to have a mafia hitman snuff out some undesirables, no questions asked? There's an app for that.

Want to randomly taser yourself while excitedly texting friends during rush hour? There's an app for that.

Want to order a new pair of stunner shades, plus a back-up pair in case somebody breaks them while punching you out at the club because you're a douchebag? There's an app for that.

Knocked up and freaking out? There's an app for that.

Backstage at the CMAs, dick-in-a-box, well well well? There's an app for that.

Hip-hugger Wranglers riding up? There's an app for that.

Desperately need to download hip-hop albums that don't actually exist yet? There's an app for that.

Chinstrap + soulpatch + dreads combo played, but fresh outta Schicks? There's an app for that.

Wondering if there's a way to feed and nourish your body without actually ordering, preparing, or consuming foodstuffs? Dude, there's totally an app for that.

Are you a humanoid sloth - a character from Wall-E, essentially - who's so hopelessly lazy that you're unable to function without an overpriced handheld device that permits you to indulge your worst tendencies as less than a person? There's an app for that.

(Dedicated to Alecia, who started this meme last night)